Thanksgiving 2014

There are times when I feel like I am going to burst with gratitude. But today isn’t one of them.

I view gratitude as a state of being, not a fleeting feeling or event.  It’s something that needs to be cultivated. It’s something that you have to be in the right mindset for. It’s something that you need to make time for. And time is something that we haven’t had a whole lot of this past year.

We haven’t had time to think, to reflect, to be grateful. We hardly have time to buy our groceries or clean our laundry. We’ve been going at a frantic pace this past year, even past few years. And I’m tired.

I’m tired of moving. I’m tired of organizing. I’m tired of making new friends and getting settled in a place just to have to leave it again.

I absolutely loved living in California and would love to move back in the future, but I just want to settle. To settle in here. To have weekends that aren’t filled with trips to IKEA and Bed Bath & Beyond and The Container Store. Okay, just kidding on The Container Store. That’s actually one place I wouldn’t mind going every day. Haha. I’m actually serious.

But you get what I mean. I want to be settled in.

I want to figure out a good way to organize and store all of our stuff in our tiny little apartment. And then be done with it!

I want to be done with installing and drilling and hanging and rearranging.

I want to spend our weekends exploring this new town of ours, finding our favorite Thai restaurant, Pho spot, and burger joint. Visiting all the amazing museums. Biking around the National Mall. I want to spend time with new friends. And have time to show old friends around when they come visit.

I. don’t. want. to. move. again.

To put this into perspective, we have moved 11 times in 4 years, so you can understand that I have a legitimate reason to loathe moving.

I know we’ll move again eventually. And I know that I’ll want to – since I’m hoping that the next move we make is into our home (that we own). But I can’t think about that right now.

I’m exhausted. Mentally exhausted. No space in my brain to think or feel when you’re just trying to keep your head above water. Trying to stay on top of things at work, unpack and organize, and just get used to living in a new place.

But I am grateful, for so many things. I’m grateful for our apartment – as tiny and light-lacking as it is. I’m grateful to have a job that keeps my days exciting. I can truly say there is never a dull moment at Urbio. I’m grateful to be valued and trusted enough to work remotely from DC. I’m grateful to have family close by. This is the first time having that in our marriage and it has been really nice. I’m grateful that Matthew and I can commute to work on bike & foot (respectively). I’m grateful for legs and feet that are in perfect shape, that take me everywhere I need to go in this new city. I’m grateful for my family. I know that life is short, and I’ve seen some of my friends’ loved ones pass away this pass year, and I’m just grateful to still have healthy grandparents and parents. I can’t imagine life without them. I’m grateful for our new ward, an absolute breath of fresh air. I’m grateful for new friends. And I’m grateful for old friends and for the technology that allows me to stay connected with them. Lastly, I’m grateful for my husband and partner who has been by my side through this crazy ride of life.