Longing

I don't understand why I'm such a sucker for the past. I can spend hours and hours, even days reminiscing. Sometimes I just really miss certain people, certain time periods, certain places...and most of the time it's too much for me to handle. It makes me want to just burst out in tears. Facebook is primarily responsible for this. It allows me to keep up with old friends, friends I haven't seen for years. It shows me their lives through pictures, status updates, and wall posts. But it's not real. It makes me feel like I know what's going on in their lives, but I really have no part in their lives at all. Especially with those friends who I haven't seen for years, I may not ever see them again. It's such a sad thought, but it's true.

After I moved from Oregon to Utah, I lived in Utah for six years and never came back to live in Portland. The longest I stayed in Portland at any given time was one month. I lost touch with most of my friends that I knew growing up and in high school, and it's sad. Now, I just left Utah. I know that I'll be back there, but it won't ever be the same.

The friendships that we make in a certain place are never the same after we leave that place. It's sad, but it's true. I have met so many amazing people in my life. Sometimes I wonder why we stay in touch with some friends and not with others, why we become friends with some people and not with others...but I guess it's just fate. Or in other words, it's all part of God's plan for us. He places other people along our path for a reason. We touch each other's lives, and some people make a lasting impression us. I am so grateful to have met so many wonderful, amazing people. I'm so grateful to have grown up in the city that I did, in the ward that I was part of, to have gone to the high school I went to. I know some truly incredible people. I often wish that I could go back and relive the times when I was close to a particular friend, or when another friend and I were in the same class together and talked every day...but I can't. I can only remember the memories...and reminisce.

I miss the past. I will always miss the past. But I'm so grateful for the past because it has created my present and continues to shape my future.