Anticipation

Vietnam is fast approaching. Everything is falling into place...and I can't wait! Earlier this week I was approved for travel by the Department of Education [Side note: because my fellowship is funded by the federal government, everything has to be approved.] I also have my housing arranged! My mom and grandma have been instrumental in this and I am so grateful for their constant love and support. I am going to be staying with my mom's "aunt", who lives just a few doors down from my great-great-aunt. Yes, that's right. The sister of my great-grandmother! And yes, she is very old. When went to Vietnam for the first time in 2006, I felt an instant connection to her. She was so warm and loving and I wanted so much to be able to talk to her. This time I will be able to talk to her in Vietnamese. I can't wait to hear stories about my great-grandmother and learn about the woman she was.

I was seven years old when my great-grandmother died of cancer. I remember going to visit her house with my mom. She always had laughing cow cheese wedges in her fridge that she would offer to me. She and my great-grandfather called me "zeo-zeo" because they couldn't pronounce "Michele." Like me, she would often get carsick when people drove her around to doctor's appointments. She had the longest, blackest hair, and one thing I especially remember is that she never once had a white hair. She was a kind and gentle woman and often beckoned to me to come close to her, but as a child I was more interested in playing outside than getting to know my great-grandparents. Plus, I couldn't speak Vietnamese.

There is an old photograph of my great-grandmother and I that breaks my heart when I look at it. It shows my great-grandmother on her sick bed, reaching out to me. I look disinterested and I clearly did not want to take a photo. I was probably just thinking about how I wanted to go play. I did not seem to realize that it was the last time I would ever take a photo with her. I was oblivious to the pain she was feeling. I wish that I could turn back time, wrap my arms around her and give her a big hug, tell her that I love her, and that I am sorry that she is suffering. I know that I was just a little child, but still, I regret it. But I know that there's no sense in dwelling on things, so I am going to do my best to get to know her now, to record her life story. I hope that I can pay tribute to her and the legacy she left behind.

I'm leaving for Vietnam on May 10th and returning on July 26th. 11 weeks. CRAZY. I haven't been out of the country for so long since Bolivia, which was more than four years ago. Time is racing by now and I have so much to do, but I don't feel overwhelmed. I feel a strong sense of peace and an assurance that everything, including my work, research, and thesis, is going to work out. I have realized again lately that you can only do so much. You can't push yourself too hard or else you end up burning yourself out. I just need to focus on what I can do each day and try to make the most of it. One thing that I've done to try to minimize my distractions is to eliminate Facebook from my life. It has helped a lot! I still waste time here and there, but it has reduced my time-wasting a lot. I love Facebook, but it seems that whenever I have something really important to accomplish, it becomes a distraction that takes me away from doing those very important things I need to do.